The Tuna Cracker Situation
Tuna salad in four minutes, zero heat, eaten off crackers like tiny open-faced sandwiches.
4 min
Silent
No cooking
One thing to wash
Serves 1
No stove, no microwave, no sound except a can opening. Canned tuna with mayo and something sharp — lemon, hot sauce, raw onion if you're brave — spooned onto crackers is protein at an hour when your options are otherwise cereal or regret. This is the quietest substantial food on this site.
You’ll need
-
Canned tuna
1 can, drained No canned tuna? Canned chicken behaves identically. -
Crackers
however many it takes No crackers? Toast, cut into quarters, if the cracker box is empty. -
Mayo
1 big spoonful No mayo? Yogurt or sour cream — tangier, still right. -
Hot sauce
a few dashes -
Lemon or lime
a squeeze -
Onion
optional
a small piece, chopped fine
Salt, pepper, oil, and water are assumed — if the salt is missing too, we can’t help tonight.
The way through
- Drain the tuna well. Press the lid into the can and tip it over the sink slowly — this is the only step that makes any sound at all.
- Fork the tuna into a bowl with a big spoonful of mayo. Mash until it holds together.
- Add a squeeze of lemon or a few dashes of hot sauce. A little finely chopped onion if you want crunch and consequences.
- Spoon onto crackers as you eat rather than assembling them all at once — pre-loaded crackers go soft while they wait.
Night-kitchen noteA spoonful of sour cream or yogurt mixed with the mayo makes it taste lighter and stretches one can further.